Evil is evil. Proof of concept: Take one wizard mouse. Give him an evil disposition. Make him something really nasty, like a necromancer or a manager at a fast food restaurant. Sooner or later, he's going to get destructive, and not just minor-league destructive. We're talking end-of-the-world-fire-explosion-doom sort of destructive. Sooner or later, a hapless do-gooder will come along and take care of him in what we consider the rather permanent way. True evil, however, never dies, and that wizard mouse will again return through a realm not easily accessible to us as something changed and horrid - a Lich mouse.

As any good reporter is apt to do at least once, and excellent reporters manage to accomplish multiple times throughout their careers, I found myself again stuck in a bit of life-threatening peril one fine morning. Some days you roll off the wrong side of the bed, and other days you wander out of a pub in the wee morning hours, trip over your own foot, land on a pile of rotting clothes and sharp bone that turns out to be an undead wizard mouse, then wake up chained to a wall. You know how it is. Tuesdays.

Mild-mannered Reporter: Well. This is one of the cozier dungeons I've ever found myself in. And you're a right colorful old mouse, aren't you?

Lich mouse: I'd awfully prefer if you'd be just a little quieter, please. Spell casting and all. Distractions are never good when the sparks are flying around, you know.

MMR: No, I don't think that's right. It's Lick. L-I-C-H. Lick. The "ch" makes a "k" sound, like in Christopher.

LM: Excuse me, but I'm the Lich, and I think I'd know how to pronounce Lich.

MMR: I beg to differ, magic mouse, but it's Lick. Chaos... character... choir... all start with a "ch" making a "k" sound. So your "ch" must make a "k" sound as well.

LM: Do you know nothing about the English language? It's a soft "ch", like in chew or choose. Or Lich.

MMR: No. I'm quite positive. I looked it up, you see. Answers.com says you're a Lick, and they're answers.com. If they don't have the answers, why are they called answers.com?

LM: Answers.com? Losers. Check Wiki. It's Lich. Wiki knows best.

MMR: Wiki? HA! Wiki is for people who can't do real research. Too many cooks spoil the pronunciation, so to speak. I'm a journalist. I don't use Wiki! What about thefreedictionary.com? They also say you're a Lick.

LM: "thefreedictionary"? You can't trust anything that's free! Like that gossip rag "The Nibbler". Maybe they should charge for it and produce quality stuff.

MMR: Alright. That about does it, Mister Lick. Or is it Lish? Maybe the "ch" is REALLY soft. Like your head. And charlatan.

LM: Need I remind you that I'm the one with the evil magic spells and dangerous weaponry, while you're the one chained to the wall?

MMR: Need I remind you that your name sounds like something you do to a lollipop? "Oh, can I have a lollipop to lick?" Is that it? Are you something that people do to lollipops?

LM: That does it. Where's my sacrificial knife? As soon as I find it, you're going to be so sorry for calling me names!

MMR: What are you going to do? Wave it in front of my face and lecture me more on how to pronounce your name? Or are all the people in Lichtenstein wrong? What about those around Loch Ness. I'd think they know how to pronounce where they live, so you must be wrong about how to pronounce what you are. Loser. Can't even pronounce your own name. How are you supposed to perform actual magic?

LM: Jerry... you moron. Not a Grateful Dead wizard! A... ya know what? Nevermind. You just hang there in those chains for awhile. That'll lick you. I mean Lich you. I mean... ARGH. When I find my knife I am so coming back here to sacrifice you to the great mouse gods of torment!